Feeling odd!

Sometimes I'll be in a great mood and feeling normal and within minutes my attitude will change and I feel angry and uncomfortable. I'm not sure if maybe it's just being stressed out, and being distracted for a moment of time to ingore it causing me to be in a good mood, or maybe it's because I'm bipolar. It's kinda frustrating because I don't like feeling that way. It really bothers me. I had and an appointment to get on medication for depression, but missed it because I had to work. Maybe I need to set some special time away from myself. I feel like I'm away from my kids to much already, and don't want to take more time away from them. Hopefully as soon as football is over I can devote ten times more time to my babies. Life has been so hectic and crazy, sometimes I feel like I forget to breathe. I hate it. I just want stability and peace in my life. I know that life isn't perfect and I'm not asking for perfection, just something a little bit calmer and relaxed. I'm tired of worring about money and financial burdens. So I'm going to work my ass off to give my daughters the lives they deserve. Wish me luck and please pray for my goals. I could use the help from high places.

Wake up Call

The past couple of days have been insane. Things between my dad and Bruce got horrible, and I don't want to get into that right now. Then one of Bruce's teammates and friends past away. He was only 26! SCARY! I really makes me want to change my wasy of life and how I am living. Today could be my last day and I need to go with a bang. I'm not going to hold grudges anymore. What's the point. How would I feel if the last time I ever got to talk to someone was over a fight. I see life a whole different way now. I just want what's best for my kids and my family. Life isn't always what it's cracked up to be, but oh well. At least your alive right?! I will live for today and not for what tomorrow should or could be. We are here now and we need to realize that. LIfe is to precious to take for granted. I hoope that I can learn from myself and my mistakes to not take things for granted. It's a scary world out there, but that's just part of living. And from now on I'm going to live and I will find happiness in sorrow, and the good in something bad. It's time to be positive instead of negative. I pray for Bruce's friend Ryon! He was a wonderful person with a gret personality and a huge heart. He no longer has to deal with life's struggles, he is in a better place. I don't want to die, knowing that I wasn't everything I knew I could be so it's time to change and I encourage all to do the same. Rest In Peace Ryon and watch over me and my family.

Overwhelmed

So life has ben crazy these past few days and I'm just waiting for it to calm down. I haven't felt my slef and things aren't what I wished they could be. Bruce and I have a lot of stuff to do and it's time to grow up. I ready to be adults. I want our own place amd our own space. I just want our own life. We just need to buck up and do it. I don't know what's taken us us long to get there, but hopefully we can do it soon. We are both ready. My dad is driving my nuts and that's not help the situation. I'm just tired. I have so much to do and don't kno where to start. Wish me luck and pray that we can pull through and make things work. I dont have much else to say so I"m gonna get back to work. Keep us in your prayers.

In Denver and Training

So I finally arrived in Denver. I'll have to be honest...I'm not really enjoying myself, but I"m doing my best to be positive. Hopefully this week flies by. Training is nice, it's not as difficult as I thought it would be. But it's only the first day, so we will see what happens. I had a ton of drama when I arrived, and I don't even want to get in to it. But Thank GOd for mother-in-laws, Brandy was my savior and got me where I needed to be. And she was still in Farmington. I'll keep you all updated, but wish me luck and pray that this week goes by fast. I miss my babies and Bruce and can't wait to get home. I might sound like a wuss but I've never really been away from my kids or Bruce for very long so a week is a long time to me. Alright time to get back to training.

Update

Wow! I haven't been on here and posted anything for a while so I guess I will update what's been happeneing. My job s going great. Still kinda slow moving but it's okay. I have to go to Denver all by myslef in two weeks for training. Ya....I"m scared. I've never gone any where alone before. So it will for sure be a challenge. The girls are gonna be left with Daddy and Papa so I wish them luck. LOL It's gonna be great. Maybe now they might (ecspecially Bruce) appreciate everything I do around here. Bruce is hoping for a new job to come along. So pray that he gets the job offer he applied for. We could really use it. Times are tuff and money is short so this job coul be our big break. My Dad is doing good. Still dealing with stupid stuff(like my mom). I wish she would just back off and get over all this stupid shit, so he could have his own life. I still haven't talked to her and don't plan to. I've found my life more fulfilling with her not around. I don't know what it was but I always felt uncomfortable around her. Kinda hard to explain. Cy and Mike are doing great. They are going on a little vacation to San Diego, lucky! So that should be fun for them. My nieces are growing and getting bigger then ever. My beautiful daughters are growing and learning and just too cute to boot. Bernadette's wedding is right around the corner. I'm so excited, other then the fact that Brian is back , but oh well. I'm glad she's finally gettting married. She's dreamed about her wedding for a long time. Brandy and Bruce are supportative as ever. Bruce Sr. made the paper for football. Congrats! He's doing fantastic out there. Looks like this weekend we are in Grants, NM! YUCK! It's another football weekend. So I'm hoping for the best...let's go Roughnecks. Well that about sums it up for now. I have to get the girls and my self ready. I'll keep ya updated

Morning Rush!

I woke up this morning to a dirty kitchen and nasty floors that needed to be swept and mopped. I had left the kitchen like that expecting Suzy to help me pick it up well , that was a stupid idea. Anyway I got the ktichen cleaned and the floors mopped I even vaccuumed. So now it's on to getting to girl's cleaned up and myself too before I have to go to work at 12:00. I'm pretty sure I can get everything done. Without being late to work. You never know though with a 2 year old and a 1 year old.

Started Out Rough and Ended Smoothly

I woke up this morning in a foul mood. I've been very frustrated and overwhelmed with all of my personal stuff. I finally broke down on everyone around me. I got everything off my chest and I felt ten times better. I got to work and was in good form. I'm still training but that's okay it just gives me more opportunity to learn more and advance myself. So I'm being positiveand staying focused. I picked my kids up from Bernadette(Bruce's Mom) and we got home. I made them dinner and it's been smooth sailing since then. I'm hoping for a good nights sleep and great day tomorrow.

First Day at Grainger

I started my first day at my new job today. It was very boring and tiresome. Just lots of training and paperwork. Hopefully tomorrow turns out better. My boss is very nice, the people I work with are kinda quiet so hopefully I can learn to be accepted in their world. I don't work with anyone my age, so that might be a little awkward but it might help me mature a little bit. I'm praying tonight that I can get some better sleep so I can be refreshed and ready for my second day.

Long and Full Day

Well I got Bruce's birthday done with. It was nice. He's 22 years old now! Crazy! We are in Albuquerque for the weekend and in Santa Fe on Sunday, he has a game vs. the Sting. So let's go Roughnecks. We drove to Alb. today and haven't stopped since we got into town. First it was the mall, and wow that was a blast. Rhyley had so much fun she didn't know where to run. the Disney store was a blast, they of course got spoiled by Papa Bruce and Mimi Brandy. Presley just loves being catered to so of course she too had a blast. Then it was off it "Itz", which is a restaurant for little kids. It has a game from with all kinds of arcade types of games, and four different themed eating areas. We were there for about 3 hours. It was fantastic but defiantly tiresome. So we are finally in the hotel and about to go to bed. Tomorrow we are off to the ZOO! I'm so excited! Good Night for now. 

Feeling motivated

Lately I'll have to admit I have put on a couple pounds and can totally feel it. I feel disgusting. So I've been motivated this week and have worked out everyday this week, but its only Wednesday so lets see if I can stay motivated. I don't want to feel fat anymore. I have about 5-8 pounds to lose, so hopefully I can pull it off while getting fit and toned at the same time. I really need to cut back on eating like a pig and staying healthy. So wish me luck......I'm staying motivated

She's out of her mind

So my sister and I decided it would be a good idea to try to talk some sence into out so called mother. We wanted to express our feelings to her and let her know was we we hurting and what she is doing is wrong. Well that didn't go as we planned. She didn't care to hear what we had to say. She would shake her head in disgust we we said something she didn't want to hear. Then ended up just walking out of the resturant and doing what she does best....walking away! So I have to say I no longer have a mother....and to be completely honest I'm okay with it. I have other fantastic mother figures in my life and they have been more lvoing and caring then she has been. So thank God for mother in laws. Brandy and Bernadette are my life savers and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them there to support me. So thanks you guys, it means a lot to me. My sister on the other hand has been taking it a lot hard then I am , but with her mother in laws support and her loving husband I know she will be strong and pull through. So Celeste the lady and calls herself my mother is out of her mind, but thats her problem now and I'm not going to worry about it. I have better things to worry about like getting Bruce's birthday dinner figured out. Wish me luck!

Frustration...

Okay this is the first time I've ever done this whole blogging thing so I'll do my best. There as been so much going on lately I don't even know where to start. My mom and dad are getting a divorce and it's one of the hardest things I've ever seen happen to anyone. My Dad is an amazing person. He's loving, caring, understanding(most of the time), a ton of fun, a very hard worker, and just an all around guy! My mom on the other hand well I better be mature and just say she's not any of those things. She's a very controling and vengeful person. Pretty much only cares about herself. They are going through a nasty divorce and it's taking its toll on me and the rest on my family. My mom has moved on and has a human walrus as a boyfriend, which isn't my problem because I dont talk to her. But, my dad has this new friend that has been around for about 4 months and has moved in way to quickly. She's overbearing and kinda forceful in a weird kinda way. It's so frustrating! She's only 30 and is trying to be my mom it feels like. Yes that means that she's 7 years older than my sister! CRAZY I know! Anyway....Its a difficult situation I never thought I would have to deal with. I'm having a hard time dealing with it but I'm doing my best.